With a Man
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar.
Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very
attracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man
but the more she got to know him, the more she began
to feel attracted to him
and the more time she spent
with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep
emotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger and
stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.
Because she couldn't tell whether or not he felt
the same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say things
that led her to believe that they shared a special
connection, but nothing ever progressed past the
There was an occasional glance, an occasional
email or call from him
and a few times, he even
opened up about something personal or emotional,
and invited her "inside" for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting like a man who was "falling
in love". He was acting like a friend, but at times,
even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes
he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes
he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became
a spiral that amplified itself
and the more insecure
she became, the more afraid she grew of "screwing
things up" or "scaring him off", by starting
conversations or asking him if he was interested in
her and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time
he seemed to want to spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over this
guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that
if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let him
know that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and he
spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed
and held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't call
her and wasn't really "available" to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it
Did it mean that he really loved her too, but
that he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-term
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and that
he was trying to give her a hint?
Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything on
the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't go on like
she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how much
she wanted to be with him
so she took a big step,
bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter
again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all
Or he replied and she connected with him on an
emotional and physical level for a brief time, but
then he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the following
week before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said,
"I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"
and hung up
but she never got a call back.
Over the following months, the woman tried desperately
to understand what went wrong
and what happened.
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-up
writing romance novels
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
But I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for lots
of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates
at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for
Because lots of women have been there in one way or
at one time or another
and many have
been there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story
a lot of power, is the powerful negative emotions
that it stirs
as a result of the powerful negative
experiences that it brings back
Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATE
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunity
to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is a
It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of
WOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to the reality that if a
man isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts
to confess her love, convince him to like her and
court her, BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; they
actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a woman does
to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional dedication
actually cause the woman feeling them, to do things that
make the man go away.
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takes
place inside dating situations and new relationships
without women (or men) really being aware of it, and
understanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how
this happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painful
situation in your own future
And maybe you can start to understand what's going
on a little better, if you think about what it's like
when a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wants
your attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval and
affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to
bug you more and make you want to get away.
Even if all he's doing, is telling you great things
about yourself and how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans
don't always understand the message that we're
communicating to others
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate
a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand
what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-top
sexy and wears way to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, "I don't think
that her appearance is communicating the message to men
that she thinks it is"
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a man know how you feel"
but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or he
isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that I
like to call the "Instant Ewww".
The "Instant Ewww" is just as powerful as the physical
and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a man feels the "Instant Ewww", he'll start behaving
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "Instant
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word
"Ewww", when describing how they felt about a guy that
was "confessing his love"
and of course, these were
guys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they're
not attracted to.
Often they try to be "nice" about it. They let the
attention pump up their ego a bit, and then they create
what is often an unconscious barrier in their mind,
that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what's
happening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might have
So what causes the "Instant Ewww"?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman who
was trying to be nice
a woman who was giving him
attention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS perspective,
you'll realize that the moment you do something to
"confess", you've created a TURNING POINT in the
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting some "special
attention" from a woman.
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talking
about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION
that can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can actually repel
a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing
You can't "make a man like you" or "change how
he feels about you", by doing nice things for him.
Doing "nice" things for a man who isn't attracted
to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates
the "Instant Ewww" feeling, that makes it so he'll
perhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over again in life,
because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're
doing it, because they don't have an understanding
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them,
and you want to make them like you more
do some nice things for them, they will probably like
On the other hand
If you have a man that you "like" in a romantic
way, and he doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do
something nice for him, because you want HIM to like
you more, it will BACKFIRE
and he will not only
NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance
himself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verbally
when they like a man
as if that's part of the necessary
process of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you
if you follow this pattern, yourself,
with men who aren't already ATTRACTED to you, then it's
going to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you
like him>He gets the "Instant Ewwws" and withdraws
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're in a
situation where you like a particular guy, but you
don't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to show
him how much you think about him or write him a love
Don't send him a note to his work that says,
"From your secret admirer".
Don't call him several times, without hearing from
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about you, do
something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead
of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets
chirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM.
Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels
and if you don't know how to read and create those
signals, then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you in a
romantic way, or if you are "his type", will actually
DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest
in you will grow.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particular
situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics of
how and why men have the physical and emotional response
of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing FROM
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask
Well, I've written about attraction before and I'll
write about it again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best ways
to learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and attracting
men "stuff", I also talk about how attraction, communication,
psychology and emotions all play into the longer term
"stuff" around dating, and creating a solid foundation for
a future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tell
you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never
The eBook is called "Catch Him And Keep Him".
I've spent several years now, studying the ways
that women (and men) who are "naturals", communicate using
their words, voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to
be around. And you probably know what I'm talking about, if
you know any women who seem "lucky in love". Where everything
involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you
it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman
can learn it if she wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by "trial
and error". Many of the keys to making men feel
ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term
aren't "obvious", at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense
the LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation,
if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.
Go here to check it out:
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Thanks and best of luck in life and love.
©Copyright 2005, Catch Him Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright materials used by permission.