First, a little about me. I'm smart, funny and self-motivated or a go-getter as I've been called. I'm 39 years old, divorced with no children. I love to travel, I'm extremely creative and I'm open to trying new things. I'm attractive, confident and I'm tired of wasting my time, so I have formulated some mandatory criteria.
1) You must be BORN male. Taping your double D cups down with ace bandages, turning your baseball cap backwards, stuffing a sock in your jeans and calling yourself Charlie when your birthname is Charlene doesn't qualify.
2) Your wardrobe must consist or more than a few pairs of Levi's and the latest Jordans....you must look good standing next to me.
3) You must not own or ever wear birkenstocks, crocs or jeans with crystals on the a**.
4) All your parts need to be in good working order, further testing will need to be conducted of course.
5) I cannot and will not accept a drug user. For those of you who are a bit confused....yes weed is a drug!
6) Your height must be proportional to your weight using the standard AMA guidelines. Tall midgets need not apply. You must be at least 6'0" to ride this ride.
7) Manscaping is mandatory. Last nights dinner laying low in your beard or oil from yesterday's oil change hanging out under your nails...does not a sexy man make.
8) I'm seeking a MAN's man....now let's clarify...that definitely doesn't mean a man's man...if you know what I mean but....it does mean a take charge kinda guy...with a man by my side I should never find myself doing the things a MAN should do. If you have to question what those things are...you just may not qualify for this program.
9) Must be funny....I Live To Laugh and I Love To Live!! But first make sure people are laughing WITH you....and not AT you....Fuddy Duddy's need not apply.
10) If you are a born again Christian, Jehovah's Witness or any other kind of religious fanatic you really don't wanna dance with the devil now do you?....Pray for me and keep it moving...I'm really not the one for you.
11) You must have a job...babysitting your own kids...doesn't count!
12) You must be able to plan a good date without any help or advice from me. "I don't know, what do you want to do" isn't an answer.
13) If you like stepping out of your bubble and trying new things like cuisine or bungee jumping you earn bonus points.
14) You must not be afraid of being yourself, even if you have a dorky side.
15) You must be financially independent....weekl y allowance from your parents doesn't count...oh and by the way if you live in your parents house (the basement does count) or drive your mom's mini-van you need not apply.
If you do not meet the minimum requirements, then please do not contact me, but if at some time in the future you are able to improve yourself and meet the minimum requirements, then you may re-apply.
I thank you in advance for your application, however, only successful candidates will receive a response :-)